These are personal notes (some copy/pasted), so please don’t judge any grammar! If you see something interesting here, let’s discuss it!
Getting Together: Building Relationhips as we negotiate – Robert risher
Getting Past No: Negotiating in difficult situations
7 elements of negotiation – Harvard
The more you argue your position, the more committed you become. You want to ‘save face’ and not shay in your logic so you stay committed. (influence book, commitment)
Look at the other person’s side to determine if a better outcome could arise instead of staying bunkered down on your wants
Conditional (position bargaining) strains and shatters relationships between parties
Hard negotiating, like the above, “we are seeing this or im going home”
Soft Negotiating – people try to stay friends and be generous (friends and family)
Hard vs Soft negotiators – Hard will usually always win.
This books aims to move past hard vs soft: There are 4 elements to it:
People: Separate the people form the problem
Interest: Focus on interest, not positions
Options: Invent multiple options looking for mutual gains before deciding what to do
Criteria: Insist that the results be based on some objective standard
Goal: “each side should come together to attack the problem, not each other”
Put yourself in their shoes (how to win friends) – seeing the situation as the other side sees it is one of the most important skills in negotiating
Don’t blame, the other side feels attacked and will likely strike back
Make sure to know what the other side holds and wants most dearly – often times we overlook that and could easily satisfy the negotiation at a better rate if we knew this from the beginning
Drafting a proposal to change insurance regulations would work better if the insurance commissioner is part of the drafting, not just there to hear the final version- play on his desire to feel important
Pay attention to core concerns: Autonomy, precaution, affiliation, and status
Beyond Reasons: Using emotions as you negotiate – Book about the above
Express your emotion’s, “I feel like this ….” “Do you feel the same?” – this sets up a negotiation more inclined to discuss problems than people
Let the other side know you hear them .. communication is something we as humas lack. We are in the room but not actually listening. We are planning our next comment in our head or thinking about something else. Interrupt the other side and say, “To confirm, you said this and mean this.” They will be satisfied and it allows them to feel liked that you are listening.
“I feel let down” is better than “You let me down”
Get to know the other side… get there early or stay late. Ben Franklin would ask to borrow a book so the other side felt warm and comfortable.
Look at peoples interest behind their request … If a country wants tanks at the border, they want security, not tanks … play on their desire for security
A spouse asking for $1000 a week in alimony might not want the full $1000 rather to feel fairly compensated. Get to the root of the problem, here its she wants fairness.
Put the problem before the answer. “My kids keep waking up, so I want you to do this”